Pour Me

TGIF!  No really, T. G. I. F.!!  It’s Friday!!  I should be exulting in two whole days away from the office.  Sleeping in!  Two days when I can do what I want, when I want.  Riiiight.

I usually love the weekend, hey I’m normal, sort of.  Shut up.  This weekend not so much.  I’d almost be glad if I could get some overtime and have to work.  What?  I said almost

Tonight my sister-in-law flies in late from North Carolina.  This visit has been in the works for some time so it isn’t a surprise.  I love my sister-in-law, truly.  I love her best from a distance, but I can deal for two or three days.  The downside of this weekend is that her dad, my father-in-law is in the hospital and he’s not doing well. 

M planned this weekend as a regular visit with the west coast family, but it’s turning into a “say good-bye to daddy” visit.  Which will translate to a weepy, mega-emotional weekend for everyone.  Sigh.

I’m not trying to minimize the grief I’m certain M is beginning to experience.  I’m dreading the emotional exhaustion I’m going to be experiencing when the weekend is over.  It takes a LOT of energy to support loved ones who are hurting.  And I want to be supportive, especially for Hubs.  He knows his Dad isn’t going to last much longer and it’s eating him up.  Dad is just so tired of fighting and hurting and getting hit with the next thing before he recovers from the last.  (He was recently in a nursing home after falling and fracturing his shoulder; while there he developed MRSA and is now hospitalized while they try to treat that bastard.  All this on top of pancreatic cancer.) 

In addition to being as supportive as I can, I’m grieving too.  As I mentioned in Dad’s birthday post, he’s the only real dad I’ve ever known.  It’s difficult to see the lovely, funny man I’ve known for more than 14 years begin to fail so dramatically.  I miss the guy who could fire back a snarky comment before I’d finished my sentence.  I see the grumpy, hurting husk he’s becoming and I sob inside, screaming silently, NO!  He survived prostate cancer for heaven’s sake!  And a heart valve replacement.  And MRSA multiple times before.   

On top of everything they say he had a mild stroke in the last few days.  And the super duper drugs he’s on don’t seem to be working yet.  Hubs wonders whether Dad is holding on until he sees his oldest daughter this weekend.  I wonder the same thing.  And what we’re going to do if that’s true. 

It’s going to be a long, long weekend.  Pour me a tall one.  Repeatedly.