If you’re a regular reader you may recall this post from last December where I described our family’s Thanksgiving HELL-I-DAY. When the family started emailing recently about this Thanksgiving I anticipated having to copy that post for this year. Hello? We weren’t half way through October yet and they’re already planning this year’s torture! I ignored all those emails for the time being. If I ignore it, it will go away, right? Right?!
But I found myself mentioning it to Hubs that night and breaking down in tears of frustration. I REALLY don’t want to go this year. I know it’s Mom’s first Thanksgiving without Dad. I know the family loves us … they tell us so don’t they? Why don’t I feel loved then? They’ve generously included us on their wireless family plan haven’t they? So we pay for only the minutes we use each month, not an entire plan. If that isn’t love what is?
I’ll tell you what it isn’t. It isn’t treating your brother like a moron because he doesn’t agree with you politically, and has the audacity to say so out loud and repeatedly. It is not making fun of something he likes (Dr. Who), calling it childish. It isn’t being disrespectful of him in front of his children and grandchildren. And it certainly isn’t love when you welcome to family gatherings your brother’s ex-wife. The ex-wife who packed up everything of value in their home and left him while he was at work – with no explanation or warning. The ex-wife who wrote ‘don’t try to find us’ after taking their twins away. Who blocked his visitation whenever possible and kept his letters and gifts from reaching the children. The ex-wife who apologized … TO HIS PARENTS, but not to him! No, that is definitely NOT love.
Of course we’re not supposed to get our feelings hurt. We’re supposed to buck up and be nice to the Ex because we wouldn’t want to hurt the daughter’s feelings. But I guess it’s okay for them to crap all over Hubs’ feelings. I can’t help it if I don’t want to go through that again. But if Hubs wants to go, I’ll be there beside him. Maybe this year I’ll get just drunk enough to say something about how they treat him. I think I stopped the Jello shots too soon last year. Or maybe not. Damn but I’m lousy at rocking the boat.
But. We may be rescued! Hubs called his mom about something else the other day, and then moved on to the topic of the Thanksgiving plans and the likelihood that the Ex would be included. He spent a long time venting to her about how tired he is of being expected to grin and bear it when she’s there. Not to mention how everyone else treats him. I was concerned he’d upset his mom; she’s been very fragile emotionally and I’d hate to make her sadder. But he kept providing examples (she’s oblivious to most of it) and then explained that he wasn’t looking for her to “fix” anything. He just wanted her to know what was on his mind if he decided not to show up at Thanksgiving – or really, ANY family thing where the Ex is involved. Woo hoo! (You can’t see me but I’m doing a Happy Dance!) We don’t have to gooo!! We don’t have to gooo!
Phew! Dodged that one!
Well, check back after Thanksgiving. He did say “if” he decided not to go. Sigh.