Arguing with myself

I got to the office more than an hour early today.  No, not shooting for employee of the month.  Just trying to shut up the voices in my head.

They were at it first thing after the alarm sounded at 4:30.  Geez, you’d think they’d sleep in or something!  But noooo, Ms. Troublemaker has to suggest that I re-set the alarm for another hour of snoozing.  Well that sets off Ms. GoodyGoody and she’s all, “If you get up now you can catch the 1502 train and get into Seattle by 6:30-ish.  Then you can take a nap in the cafeteria before it opens!”

On the one hand I can see the benefit of trying to nap in the cafe rather than go back to bed.  If I arrive at the train station after 7 am I’m unlikely to find a parking space.  Four freakin’ floors of parking and they’re all full by 7 in the morning!  On the other, the cafe benches are so narrow it’d be like sleeping on a balance beam for this chubby bubbe.  So much for a real nap.

But I got up and out, and arrived at the office before 7.  The lights were still off; they come on automatically around 7.  One of those energy saving devices newer buildings are including.  My first thought was to put my head down on my desk (I have a pillow) and try to get in a few winks.  That lasted only seconds before Ms. GoodyGoody piped up, “You could use this extra time to do your exercises you know.  You won’t hurt so bad at the end of the day when you’re walking back to the train.”

“Shut up!  Can’t you see she’s trying to get some rest?”  Ms. Troublemaker has my back.

“Bite me,” Ms. GoodyGoody responds.  “She needs to move damnit!”  Ms. GoodyGoody isn’t always good.

“Alright already!  I’m up!”  So I spent several minutes pedaling the floor cycle, followed by quad arcs or whatever the hell they’re called.  Then I did some squats – well, what passes for squats for me.  Afterward I had to admit I felt a little better.  But don’t tell Ms. GoodyGoody, m’kay?  I can’t stand the “I told you so’s”!

 

Someone call The Doctor!

Doesn’t this look like some new high-tech Dalek incognito?

Hi-tech Dalek

There are two of these standing sentry in Seattle’s International District.  I pass them every day after work on my way to the train.  So far they haven’t moved, but I think they’re in deep cover mode, waiting for the signal to

E  X  T  E  R  M  I  N  A  T  E !

Movie Review

Last night it was Hubs’ turn to pick out the movie we watched.  He’s been adding to our collection here and there so selecting a film can be an adventure.  When he handed me a disk and I read You’re Telling Me! I was curious.  Later, as the introduction began to roll and I saw W.C. Fields was starring I was a bit reluctant.  I’ve not seen any W.C. Fields movies all the way through and the one that Hubs had on a few weeks back did not appeal to me, so I was worried I wouldn’t like this one. 

Boy was I wrong!  I laughed myself silly through the second half.  In the beginning all I could think about was throttling Sam’s wife!  Fields plays Sam Bisbee, an optometrist and inventor.  Not a successful inventor.  Plus he likes to drink, sometimes to excess.  (W.C. Fields – go figure J).  He lives with his wife and daughter on the wrong side of the tracks in a small town.  His wife is a crabby bitch, unhappy with her husband, his inventions and his drinking.  Sam has invented something which should guarantee his success, but a no parking zone leads to disaster …

Following what Sam perceives as his final disgrace, he decides to end it all but can’t go through with it.  Then he meets the Princess on the train, the rumor mill grinds on and hilarity ensues.

I don’t want to give away too much but I highly recommend this simple, funny movie.  It isn’t deep or sophisticated.  It’s just good fun. 

Happy weekend everyone!

Dear Jaguar Driver

You ma’am are a bitch.  With a capital B.  Do you think because you drive a fancy, expensive foreign car you’re better than me?  More important?  I drive a beat up old Chevy Suburban.  I’d put it up against your Jag any day of the week.  Perhaps not in a race, but I’m not all that partial to speed.  If it came to a collision though, I imagine my Suburban would drive away and you’d be calling for a tow.

I was not creeping along slowly just to piss you off.  I realize that’s probably what it looked like from behind, since your effin’ car is so low you couldn’t see around mine.  I’d say that’s your problem and it’s no excuse for honking your horn rudely.  For your information, there was a pedestrian walking in front of me.  And I do mean in front of me.  She got out of the car in front of me, which turned the corner and I wound up stuck at the light.  When the light changed and I proceeded she was walking in the middle of the street toward the train station.  I wasn’t inclined to run her down so you could get to a parking space two minutes sooner!

Be glad I’m recovering from three nights of very little sleep Bitch.  I’d have been happy to track you down after we parked and given you a lesson in civility.  Mind your manners in the future, or I may have to come find your pretty little cat and do some scratching of my own!

Stuffed and things

Stuffed – like my nose is right now 😦

Things as in this (you may need to embiggen it, tiny type not so eye-friendly):

kids-autocorrect

True, I’ve been battling the dreaded summer cold.  It just isn’t fair.  While the weather isn’t perfect, it is getting nicer and I’m feeling yucky and need to rest all. the. damn. time.  Wait; after my last post shouldn’t I be all happy and perky?  Sure, I’m happy it isn’t pneumonia again!  Perky my ass.  Show me a perky sick person and I’ll show you someone with really good drugs!  Which I do not have.  On second thought, if I had really good drugs I’d probably still be horizontal, not perky.  Sigh.

On a brighter note though, Halls is spreading the love with their mentholated throat lozenges.  Last week when this bug hit me full force, Hubs brought home three bags of throat lozenges – three different flavors so I wouldn’t get bored.  Gotta love him!  The lozenges are individually wrapped, nothing new there.  No, the “new” is that each wrapper is printed with positive messages.  Halls calls it “A Pep Talk in Every Drop™.

Want to hear some of the messages?  Oh sure you do!  How about this one?

“March forward!”  –  I don’t know, I’d kinda like to see someone march backward.

Here’s another:  “Take charge and mean it.”  –  Yeah, exactly what does that look like?

There are a variety of platitudes:  “Don’t give up on yourself.”  “Don’t waste a precious minute.”  “Seize the day.”  “Power through!”

Then there’s this disturbing note:  “You’ve survived tougher.”  Just how in the hell does Halls know what I’ve survived, hmm?  Is Halls now in the stalking business?  I’ll watching you too Halls.  Always watching…

My favorite though is, “Put a little strut in it.”  Nicely played Halls.  Nicely played.

I’m off to strut my stuff peeps.  Have a fantabulous weekend everyone!

So this happened…

Well, not exactly.  And yeah, that was a creepy movie.  Not in the Alfred Hitchcock sense (which I would have loved) but in the “what was I thinking?” sense. Ack!

Let’s get back to the topic at hand shall we?  My friend RJ nominated me for the WordPress Family Award!  Cue applause!

To say I’m honored to be included is an understatement.  RJ’s list includes published authors, book reviewers, advice columnists!  Me?  I’m a legal secretary with an unfinished novel, some old poetry (which I’ve about exhausted) and a little blog I prefer to keep anonymous.  So I am extremely pleased to be included – thanks RJ!

As I understand it I’m supposed to thank the blogger who nominated me.  Done.  Plus I need to post the award logo here:

wordpress-family-award  There we go.

Now I’m supposed to answer ten questions and nominate ten bloggers.  Trouble is, I’m not sure I know ten bloggers, but here’s some blogs I love to read – in no particular order:

Gram-cracker – I’ve been following Grammy for a long time; we even got to meet in person a couple of times.  Grammy writes about a variety of stuff – family, DIY, shenanigans. 

Five Legs Between Us – This blog is by my friend Dana.  Dana has a three-legged dog named Prada.  See?  Dana has 2 legs, Prada has 3 which equals 5!  Dana loves to read too and often shares reviews which has turned me on to books I never would have discovered otherwise.  She’s funny and smart.

Hart’s BeatPam writes about family, her dogs and the silliness of the spam in her blog’s inbox.  She posts about doctor’s visits and occasionally channels her Barbie and Ken dolls’ relationship issues. 

Mayor GiaGia’s blog is self-illustrated.  She draws Boyfriend, Allie, (her alligator friend), Popsicle (her polar bear friend) and others as the muse inspires.  Gia shares workplace goings on mixed with Boyfriend’s golfing woes or wins, and her own baking adventures among other things.  Other things = wine. J

GhostCat ChroniclesGhostie just bought a house!  She’s a fan of Batman, You Suck at Craigslist, garage sales and DIY projects.  Plus?  She has three very cool cats.

Awesomesauciness – CJ is one of my favorite bloggers.  Her posts range from talking back to spammers to relating fun and funny family stories and outing her house’s poltergeist, Ralph.

So there you have the bloggers I follow the mostest.  Now for the questions, oh wait, I uh, um … be right back!

tick tock, tick tock, tick tock…

Phew!  Okay, I’m back and I feel much better now.  So where were we?  That’s right, the question portion of our show:

1.     What is the meaning of life?  Huh.  First question and you couldn’t lob me a soft ball could you Universe? 

2.    What is happiness all about?  Choice.  To be happy is a choice we make every day.  You can choose to whine about what’s wrong with your life or you can choose to put on your big-girl panties and embrace life including the not-so-great parts.  You don’t have to like those parts, just don’t let them dictate how you feel. 

3.    Why did you start a blog?  I can’t afford therapy.  Is that too cliché these days?  Tough.

4.    What is more important in your life:  Relationships or fame?  Relationships!  They’re so much more interesting.  Fame is lame. 

5.    What is the one thing you like about blogging?  All the people I’ve “met”.  I have new friends all over the country; I even got to meet one in person (waving at Grammy)!

6.    What is the best decision you ever made?  Still waiting for that to happen.  Sigh.

7.    Do you believe that unconditional love really exists in any kind of relationship?  Absolutely.  It’s covered in fur, licks itself inappropriately and doesn’t care that you drink milk directly from the container.

8.    Do you believe in Karma?  There better be Karma.  While I choose to be happy now, it’d be good to know my abusive, perverted grandfather got his in the end.

9.    Do you believe in rebirth or afterlife?  If yes, then why?  Yes.  Because.    

10.  What is the best moment of your life?  When I learned to accept that I am only responsible for me.  Wait, I’m not quite there yet.  Maybe I should just say when my daughters were born.  Yeah, that sounds better. 

Who thinks up these questions anyway? Probably a blogger with writer’s block, amiright? 

Has it been 15 years already?

Fifteen years ago today we were married in an outdoor ceremony on top of a mountain.  It was breathtaking and scary at the same time.  It was marriage two for both of us and neither of us had planned to get married again.  Strange how things happen.

I think we’ve all heard the statistics: Half of all marriages end in divorce or something like that. I choose to ignore statistics. For one thing, I’m on marriage two. If statistics hold, I’m good. Half of my marriages already ended in divorce. Ba Dum DUMP! Oh come on, that was funny! 😀

Awhile back I wrote the verses below, not specifically for Hubs and I, but as a celebration of all the couples who keep the love alive.

Anniversary (2002)

“Experience,” he whispers, nuzzling my neck,
“makes the heart grow fonder.”
“Hmm,” I mumble. “I think that’s ‘absence.'”
“Nah,” he replies. “Trust me on this.”

Wrapped around each other like ribbon on a birthday gift,
we linger, while outside the sun makes its cautious appearance
through dirty gray clouds.

“Experience,” I begin, twirling the shower taps, “is blind.”
“Ah, I think you mean ‘love is blind,'” he replies,
smiling at me in the mirror over the sink,
where age spots and wrinkles are highlighted in
glaring fluorescence.

“Trust me on this,” I use his words.
Giving his love handles a squeeze, I step under
the steamy torrent with a grin.

Fifty years together equals experience.
Experience in both sad and happy times;
in rich and poor periods;
in days peaceful and hectic.
Together we share the experience of a lifetime.