Home » Daily Dose » Guess who’s coming to work?

Guess who’s coming to work?

Yesterday I mentally began counting down the time my coworker B has left before moving on to greener pastures.  Sigh.  In an effort to change that focus I started wondering who his replacement might be.  And scared myself. 

What if the new secretary is one of those women who marinate in their perfume?  Ack!  Seriously.  I can NOT handle strong scents.  I know, right?  I’m one of those douchebags.  But I’m also not good at complaining about it, so there’s that.  I’ll end up suffering with migraines rather than risk offending someone.

Or maybe the newbie will be snotty.  Probably he’ll have a Professional Legal Secretary certification; a couple of decades of experience (while still looking ten years younger) and stare at me down his nose.  Won’t that be fun?  Not even a little bit. 

Perhaps my new neighbor will be the chatty type.  Maybe she’ll want to be my bestest friend in the world!  Okay, probably not.  There has to be some “get to know you” time first right?  Puhleeze let there be some “get to know you” time!  I really don’t need a best friend at work.  Work and pleasure should be separate.  They don’t call it work for nothing now do they?  

So you might wonder what traits I am looking for in a new coworker/neighbor.   I hope the Universe is paying attention.

Dear Future Coworker,

In the interest of a harmonious outcome please:

1.  Don’t blame me for ANYTHING.  Take responsibility for your own damn self. 

b.  Turn down your music – whatever it is.  I love me some Dire Straits but not at paint-peeling levels.  Note:  some of us like to hear our own thoughts. 

III.  If you can’t laugh at my jokes at least don’t get crabby when I laugh at them.  And talk to myself.

d.  It wouldn’t hurt if you were a licensed massage therapist and offered me freebies.  Just sayin’.

 5.  Bonus points for following one or more of the blogs I like (see the sidebar).

Wow, that was easier than I thought it would be.  I guess I’m not really all that hard to get along with. 


9 thoughts on “Guess who’s coming to work?

  1. Dear Future Co-worker,

    1. MUST, MUST chew with your mouth CLOSED, or I will not be held responsible for breaking your jaw, even though it will be my hand holding the stapler that broke it.

    2. MUST, MUST brush your teeth or don’t even think, let alone come near me to talk to me or see stapler comment #1.

    3. MUST, MUST shower at least every other day, preferably daily and twice a damn day if you’re really stinking. If not, do not come near me. I can’t very well break your jaw with a stapler for this, but I can’t throw said stapler, so you could end up with a concussion or a broken nose.

    4. MUST, MUST do you own work and not be a slacker. If I get stuck doing YOUR work see stapler remark in comment #3.

    Okay, maybe I’m picky. Just keep the stapler away from me and everyone should be safe.


    • Oh that should read *I CAN throw said stapler*

      I’m having a stupid day today.

      I LOST an hour this morning! REALLY…lost it. All gone. I’m SO blonde.

    • Nice, I may have to incorporate the teeth brushing and showering bits. I can choose not to eat with them though. There is NO excuse for slacking off either! And I have one of those nifty mega-staplers! 😀

  2. Ugh, worst person I ever worked with: She couldn’t work a computer (she had a hard time finding the power button) and couldn’t do math. This was a retail environment, and she couldn’t work the cash register. I ended up doing all this for her (even though I offered to teach her how to do these things. Worst of all, she had this habit of telling me how I thought she was stupid and she didn’t appreciate that (which was true, but I would never have been rude enough to say so).

    She was my boss. Last retail job I ever had.

    • Yikes! I never did retail myself; but I did fast food when I was a teen. So. Not. Fun. Glad you’re no longer doing HER work; I much prefer reading your blog posts!

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