Yesterday I mentally began counting down the time my coworker B has left before moving on to greener pastures. Sigh. In an effort to change that focus I started wondering who his replacement might be. And scared myself.
What if the new secretary is one of those women who marinate in their perfume? Ack! Seriously. I can NOT handle strong scents. I know, right? I’m one of those douchebags. But I’m also not good at complaining about it, so there’s that. I’ll end up suffering with migraines rather than risk offending someone.
Or maybe the newbie will be snotty. Probably he’ll have a Professional Legal Secretary certification; a couple of decades of experience (while still looking ten years younger) and stare at me down his nose. Won’t that be fun? Not even a little bit.
Perhaps my new neighbor will be the chatty type. Maybe she’ll want to be my bestest friend in the world! Okay, probably not. There has to be some “get to know you” time first right? Puhleeze let there be some “get to know you” time! I really don’t need a best friend at work. Work and pleasure should be separate. They don’t call it work for nothing now do they?
So you might wonder what traits I am looking for in a new coworker/neighbor. I hope the Universe is paying attention.
Dear Future Coworker,
In the interest of a harmonious outcome please:
1. Don’t blame me for ANYTHING. Take responsibility for your own damn self.
b. Turn down your music – whatever it is. I love me some Dire Straits but not at paint-peeling levels. Note: some of us like to hear our own thoughts.
III. If you can’t laugh at my jokes at least don’t get crabby when I laugh at them. And talk to myself.
d. It wouldn’t hurt if you were a licensed massage therapist and offered me freebies. Just sayin’.
5. Bonus points for following one or more of the blogs I like (see the sidebar).
Wow, that was easier than I thought it would be. I guess I’m not really all that hard to get along with.