I was not creeping along slowly just to piss you off.  I realize that’s probably what it looked like from behind, since your effin’ car is so low you couldn’t see around mine.  I’d say that’s your problem and it’s no excuse for honking your horn rudely.  For your information, there was a pedestrian walking in front of me.  And I do mean in front of me.  She got out of the car in front of me, which turned the corner and I wound up stuck at the light.  When the light changed and I proceeded she was walking in the middle of the street toward the train station.  I wasn’t inclined to run her down so you could get to a parking space two minutes sooner!

Be glad I’m recovering from three nights of very little sleep Bitch.  I’d have been happy to track you down after we parked and given you a lesson in civility.  Mind your manners in the future, or I may have to come find your pretty little cat and do some scratching of my own!

Things as in this (you may need to embiggen it, tiny type not so eye-friendly):

True, I’ve been battling the dreaded summer cold.  It just isn’t fair.  While the weather isn’t perfect, it is getting nicer and I’m feeling yucky and need to rest all. the. damn. time.  Wait; after my last post shouldn’t I be all happy and perky?  Sure, I’m happy it isn’t pneumonia again!  Perky my ass.  Show me a perky sick person and I’ll show you someone with really good drugs!  Which I do not have.  On second thought, if I had really good drugs I’d probably still be horizontal, not perky.  Sigh.

On a brighter note though, Halls is spreading the love with their mentholated throat lozenges.  Last week when this bug hit me full force, Hubs brought home three bags of throat lozenges – three different flavors so I wouldn’t get bored.  Gotta love him!  The lozenges are individually wrapped, nothing new there.  No, the “new” is that each wrapper is printed with positive messages.  Halls calls it “A Pep Talk in Every Drop™.“

Want to hear some of the messages?  Oh sure you do!  How about this one?

“March forward!”  -  I don’t know, I’d kinda like to see someone march backward.

Here’s another:  “Take charge and mean it.”  -  Yeah, exactly what does that look like?

There are a variety of platitudes:  “Don’t give up on yourself.”  “Don’t waste a precious minute.”  “Seize the day.”  “Power through!”

Then there’s this disturbing note:  “You’ve survived tougher.”  Just how in the hell does Halls know what I’ve survived, hmm?  Is Halls now in the stalking business?  I’ll watching you too Halls.  Always watching…

My favorite though is, “Put a little strut in it.”  Nicely played Halls.  Nicely played.

I’m off to strut my stuff peeps.  Have a fantabulous weekend everyone!

Well, not exactly.  And yeah, that was a creepy movie.  Not in the Alfred Hitchcock sense (which I would have loved) but in the ”what was I thinking?” sense. Ack!

Let’s get back to the topic at hand shall we?  My friend RJ nominated me for the WordPress Family Award!  Cue applause!

To say I’m honored to be included is an understatement.  RJ’s list includes published authors, book reviewers, advice columnists!  Me?  I’m a legal secretary with an unfinished novel, some old poetry (which I’ve about exhausted) and a little blog I prefer to keep anonymous.  So I am extremely pleased to be included – thanks RJ!

As I understand it I’m supposed to thank the blogger who nominated me.  Done.  Plus I need to post the award logo here:

  There we go.

Now I’m supposed to answer ten questions and nominate ten bloggers.  Trouble is, I’m not sure I know ten bloggers, but here’s some blogs I love to read - in no particular order:

Gram-cracker - I’ve been following Grammy for a long time; we even got to meet in person a couple of times.  Grammy writes about a variety of stuff – family, DIY, shenanigans. 

Five Legs Between Us - This blog is by my friend Dana.  Dana has a three-legged dog named Prada.  See?  Dana has 2 legs, Prada has 3 which equals 5!  Dana loves to read too and often shares reviews which has turned me on to books I never would have discovered otherwise.  She’s funny and smart.

Hart’s Beat – Pam writes about family, her dogs and the silliness of the spam in her blog’s inbox.  She posts about doctor’s visits and occasionally channels her Barbie and Ken dolls’ relationship issues. 

Mayor Gia – Gia’s blog is self-illustrated.  She draws Boyfriend, Allie, (her alligator friend), Popsicle (her polar bear friend) and others as the muse inspires.  Gia shares workplace goings on mixed with Boyfriend’s golfing woes or wins, and her own baking adventures among other things.  Other things = wine. J

GhostCat Chronicles – Ghostie just bought a house!  She’s a fan of Batman, You Suck at Craigslist, garage sales and DIY projects.  Plus?  She has three very cool cats.

Awesomesauciness - CJ is one of my favorite bloggers.  Her posts range from talking back to spammers to relating fun and funny family stories and outing her house’s poltergeist, Ralph.

So there you have the bloggers I follow the mostest.  Now for the questions, oh wait, I uh, um … be right back!

tick tock, tick tock, tick tock…

Phew!  Okay, I’m back and I feel much better now.  So where were we?  That’s right, the question portion of our show:

1.     What is the meaning of life?  Huh.  First question and you couldn’t lob me a soft ball could you Universe? 

2.    What is happiness all about?  Choice.  To be happy is a choice we make every day.  You can choose to whine about what’s wrong with your life or you can choose to put on your big-girl panties and embrace life including the not-so-great parts.  You don’t have to like those parts, just don’t let them dictate how you feel. 

3.    Why did you start a blog?  I can’t afford therapy.  Is that too cliché these days?  Tough.

4.    What is more important in your life:  Relationships or fame?  Relationships!  They’re so much more interesting.  Fame is lame. 

5.    What is the one thing you like about blogging?  All the people I’ve “met”.  I have new friends all over the country; I even got to meet one in person (waving at Grammy)!

6.    What is the best decision you ever made?  Still waiting for that to happen.  Sigh.

7.    Do you believe that unconditional love really exists in any kind of relationship?  Absolutely.  It’s covered in fur, licks itself inappropriately and doesn’t care that you drink milk directly from the container.

8.    Do you believe in Karma?  There better be Karma.  While I choose to be happy now, it’d be good to know my abusive, perverted grandfather got his in the end.

9.    Do you believe in rebirth or afterlife?  If yes, then why?  Yes.  Because.    

10.  What is the best moment of your life?  When I learned to accept that I am only responsible for me.  Wait, I’m not quite there yet.  Maybe I should just say when my daughters were born.  Yeah, that sounds better. 

Who thinks up these questions anyway? Probably a blogger with writer’s block, amiright? 

I think we’ve all heard the statistics: Half of all marriages end in divorce or something like that. I choose to ignore statistics. For one thing, I’m on marriage two. If statistics hold, I’m good. Half of my marriages already ended in divorce. Ba Dum DUMP! Oh come on, that was funny!

Awhile back I wrote the verses below, not specifically for Hubs and I, but as a celebration of all the couples who keep the love alive.

Anniversary (2002)

“Experience,” he whispers, nuzzling my neck,
“makes the heart grow fonder.”
“Hmm,” I mumble. “I think that’s ‘absence.’”
“Nah,” he replies. “Trust me on this.”

Wrapped around each other like ribbon on a birthday gift,
we linger, while outside the sun makes its cautious appearance
through dirty gray clouds.

“Experience,” I begin, twirling the shower taps, “is blind.”
“Ah, I think you mean ‘love is blind,’” he replies,
smiling at me in the mirror over the sink,
where age spots and wrinkles are highlighted in
glaring fluorescence.

“Trust me on this,” I use his words.
Giving his love handles a squeeze, I step under
the steamy torrent with a grin.

Fifty years together equals experience.
Experience in both sad and happy times;
in rich and poor periods;
in days peaceful and hectic.
Together we share the experience of a lifetime.

Reblogged from Yow Yow!:

Pedestal

(2002; rev’d 11/03)

Hand in hand we haunt the museum,

visiting Manet, Degas, Gauguin;

wandering from paintings to sculpture;

giggling like embarrassed adolescents

at the nudes poised on pedestals.

“Don’t put me on a pedestal,” you said.

“I won’t,” I responded. 

“Pedestals are for perfection,” you added,

“and I’m not perfect.”

“No one is perfect,” I replied.  “Until

someone loves them.”

I think maybe I’ll put you

up on that pedestal after all.

Sometimes I just need to remind myself.

“Decoration Day

Major General John A. Logan (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On May 5, 1862, General John A. Logan, leader of an organization for Northern Civil War veterans, called for a nationwide day of remembrance later that month. “The 30th of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village and hamlet churchyard in the land,” he proclaimed. The date of Decoration Day, as he called it, was chosen because it wasn’t the anniversary of any particular battle.”While Decoration Day was originally intended to commemorate only those fallen during the Civil War, after World War I it changed, evolving to honor American military personnel who died in all wars.

Parades, often including military personnel and members of veterans’ groups are a traditional part of celebrations.  Others visit cemeteries and memorials, decorating the graves of veterans and loved ones.

I suppose both names are fitting (but I’m still partial to Decoration Day).

Many thanks to the men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice for our country.  Many thanks also to the families of the fallen; their sacrifice is no less great.

“If only there were evil people somewhere, insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them.  But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.  And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?” ~ Alexander Solzhenitsyn

I hate to disagree with him but based on my personal experience I’d say my grandfather had no good in him.

“This is my simple religion.  There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy.  Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” ~ the Dalai Lama

Nice.  I’ve always felt closer to God outdoors, especially at the ocean or in the mountains.

“A Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt.  He said, ‘I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart.  One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one.  The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one.’  The grandson asked him, ‘which wolf will win the fight in your heart?’  The grandfather answered, ‘The one I feed.’ ~ Unknown

Anonymous wisdom is sometimes the best.

Instead of giving money to fund colleges to promote learning, why don’t they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything?  If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.” ~ Will Rogers

I’ll bet it would work too.

This one’s for you, my online friends:

“The world is so empty if one thinks only of mountains, rivers and cities; but to know someone here and there who thinks and feels with us, and though distant, is close to us in spirit, this makes the earth for us an inhabited garden.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

My very favorite quote is by Spider Robinson, an author I found by accident several years ago.  I promptly devoured everything he wrote.  This is my signature line for my personal email account.

“Shared pain is lessened.  Shared joy is increased.”

So true.  I hope y’all are having a good week.

I’ve been blessed to work in mostly good places throughout my career.  Sure, I’ve griped about micro-managing supervisors, low pay or lack of benefits – who hasn’t?  But overall?  For almost 30 years I’ve worked in offices.  Most of them were comfortable, some more than others.  Some of my bosses were memorable. 

There was Ruth, the first attorney I ever worked for – when I had no idea how to be a legal secretary.  She was a great mentor!  Later, there was Marty, a deputy attorney general who didn’t want the “newbie” secretary.  But we clicked quite well.  He used his contacts to get me help with my divorce.  In that same office I worked for a man whose name escapes me.  Probably because our personalities clashed like cymbals.  Eventually I came to BigLaw where I felt completely out of my depth.  I learn quickly though and almost 15 years later I’m one of the most senior secretaries (in terms of longevity anyway).  I’ve worked with L the entire time and also with B for most of those years.  Add in the two associate lawyers I support and I have a substantial, sometimes stressful workload.

BigLaw’s work environment is alright.  (We won’t talk about their policies this time.)  The office is light and pleasant.  Sometimes the climate control gets wonky – or I suppose it could be the menopause kicking in.  And the coffee’s free!  I enjoy my job.  I like the people I work with, and while I’ve had many opportunities over the years to change jobs, I’m still here and still mostly happy about it. 

I like to think I contribute to the positive work environment.  Some of you readers know a bit about my sense of humor.  Well, one way I try to lighten the mood in the office is I post a cartoon on the fridge every day.  To make the cut a cartoon has to either make me laugh out loud or cause me to go “Huh?”  Think Gary Larson’s The Far Side.  Or Sunny Street by Max Garcia.  I shared these two recently.   I double dog dare you not to smile! 

Another way I’ve found to elevate office spirits is my toy collection.  Yeah, I know I’m 56 years old, and yes I still have a toy collection.  What’s your point?  Attorneys I don’t even know have stopped at my desk on their way to somewhere else and played.  Some attorneys have brought their children by to visit.  It’s good clean fun for everyone!  And warms my heart.

The collection has sort of evolved.  Some of the items are branded with the firm name, others came in the gift bag Grammy gave me when she visited last summer before my surgery.  The happy face mug originally held a floral arrangement I received as a thank you from a summer associate last year.  If you look close you’ll see a souvenir bottle in the back with a very faint outline of the Space Needle.  I got that on my first wedding anniversary when Hubs and I had dinner in the restaurant at the top.  Watching people do double takes or slow down as they walk by to take it all in is the highlight of my day.  So here you go – enjoy some virtual frivolity: